Some people are hesitant to express their desires directly, fearing that “the marriage talk” will make them appear desperate or turn their partner off. That’s usually a strong sign that your relationship isn’t ready for engagement yet, which is OK. While there’s no concrete rule about how long you should be dating before communicating your desire to get married, if you believe you’ve established enough trust with your partner, then it should be safe to broach the subject with care. Even if you’re not sure where your partner stands on marrying you, you can still bring up the topic to see how they feel about marriage in general and ensure that your intentions are aligned before making a deeper investment. It’s also a good time to evaluate any internal pressure you may be feeling. Assess whether or not your expectation to be engaged is more about where you believe you “should” be at your current stage of life versus the level of satisfaction you are currently experiencing with your partner. If you believe your partner is truly the one, then adjusting your timeline may be required to reach your goal. A proposal should come from a genuine place. Knowing you had a hand in getting your partner to commit might weaken your confidence over time in their decision to marry you. Also, some partners are inclined to back out of a relationship completely when they feel forced to take actions they aren’t prepared for. If an engagement is about committing to a lifelong partnership, then honoring your partner’s part of the process is an essential step in the process. It can be difficult to reset your expectations for a proposal when they haven’t been met. However, added time provides the benefit of making sure you are choosing the right person and committing for the right reasons. Cullins speaks to local, national, and international audiences about relationships, money matters, parenting, and the role of spirituality in achieving your personal goals, and she serves as a moderator/facilitator for community-based panel discussions sponsored by local nonprofit organizations. She previously worked as an adjunct professor and clinical supervisor at the University of Maryland at College Park, where she obtained her master’s degree in family studies, and she has intensive clinical training in working with trauma survivors. She uses empirically validated treatment modalities like cognitive-behavioral therapy and emotion-focused therapy with her clients.
