There are actually different components that can make up that attraction. For example, some people experience only romantic attraction to other people—without sexual attraction—and vice versa. Ahead, we’re diving into how to recognize romantic attraction and distinguish it from all the different kinds of attraction. While romantic attraction is different for everyone, many people will experience feelings of wanting to protect and provide for another person, wanting to keep them cared for, enjoying their company, and wanting to take on a role of responsibility in maintaining that person’s happiness, she notes. Some people see their romantic orientation—that is, how they experience romantic attraction and for whom—as a part of their identity separate from their sexual orientation. For example, someone can be homoromantic and bisexual, which means they’re only romantically attracted to people who share their gender but they do experience sexual attraction to people of more than one gender. Those who experience little to no romantic attraction for others may be referred to as aromantic. Not all relationships need romantic attraction. However, in healthy relationships where romantic attraction is present, it serves as a force that pushes partners to continuously be intrigued and interested in each other with compassion, acting as the glue to keep the relationship connected even as partners and the environment inevitably change, says McCrorie. “Romantic attraction is distinct from sexual attraction in that someone does not need to be romantically attracted to someone to be sexually attracted to them, and vice versa,” explains couples’ therapist Kyle Zrenchik, Ph.D., ACS, LMFT. In other words, romantic and sexual attraction do not have to go hand in hand; it’s possible to experience one without the other. That’s why some people find it helpful to distinguish between their sexual orientation and their romantic orientation: Some people might prefer the nuance of biromantic as opposed to bisexual, for example, and combining two terms together like biromantic asexual can offer yet another layer of specificity. (Here’s more on the difference between love and lust, if you want more details on how to parse the two out.) When you think of the person, you are struck by how their happiness feels tied to your happiness—and you would do anything to make sure that they’re protected from any misfortune that might come their way. You feel upset knowing that it’s impossible to protect them from everything and anything. A platonic relationship can be just as central to your life as a romantic one, the only difference being that different feelings drive the relationship. It can sometimes be hard to know if you’re feeling romantically or platonically toward someone because feelings of friend love can be just as intense and compelling as romantic love. It’s probably best not to worry about putting a definite label on the feelings you have for someone and instead focus on how the relationship makes you feel. Are you both happy and having your needs met?
