“The prostate is jam-packed with thousands of nerve endings, which makes it feel very pleasurable when stimulated,” explains Zane. The multifunctional gland can be reached directly by penetrating the anus 2 to 3 inches inside toward the stomach-side of the body, he explains. “Typically, prostates respond well to repetitive touch and pressure,” says Marla Renee Stewart, M.A., a sex educator for the adult wellness brand Lovers. This can be achieved through anal penetration with your hands or with the help of an anal-safe toy, like a prostate massager, anal vibrator, or curved butt plug. “While I’m reluctant to say that “all people” can do anything, the vast majority of prostate-owners are physically capable of having a prostate orgasm from prostate stimulation,” says Zane. Good to know! As it goes, prostate play can be enjoyable for anyone with a prostate. But it can be downright life-changing for people who have erectile dysfunction (and their partners), according to Carol Queen, Ph.D., a sexologist with sex toy company Good Vibrations. Prostate play allows people who can’t frequently or reliably have penile orgasms—as well as those who are experimenting with semen retention—to have some kind of release. “It gives the person with ED (and partner/s if any) an alternative erotic focus that can include much pleasure,” she says. It also allows those who have a longer refractory period to play around with multiple orgasms. Many prostate owners say that prostate orgasms feel more full-bodied compared to penile orgasms, according to him. An orgasm that overtakes you head-to-head-to-toe? We’re here for it. The prostate isn’t the only nerve-rich portion of the anus, he says. The entrance of the canal is reported to have as many nerves as the head of a penis. And while the anal canal itself isn’t quite as sensitive, many penis-owners enjoy the feeling of fullness that accompanies anal and prostate play. Rather than going from zero to finger, start by turning yourself on in your usual ways (stroking your penis, pinching your nipples, porn, etc.), she suggests. Then, when you’re ready, grab some lube and go for it. “Start with a single finger,” she says. “Once inside, curl your finger toward your stomach and you should feel a bulbous, spongy gland.” All bodies are different, she says, so spend some time testing out different types of touch. Experiment with swiping your finger side to side like a windshield wiper, pressing it like a doorbell, and circling it round and round. Pro-tip: Pre-play, give yourself a little manicure. “You want to make sure your nails are cut and filed down because you don’t want to accidentally scratch your insides.” Applying pressure to the perineum—the patch of tissue between the scrotum and the anus—can put feel-good pressure on the prostate as well, according to Zane. “Apply a ton of water-based lube to the massage, then gently insert it inside of your anus,” he says. “Slow and steady wins the race here, so if you’ve never explored your back door, you should start with the smallest prostate massager you can find.” “Focus on taking big, deep, diaphragmatic belly breaths while you play. This will help you relax,” he says. Breathing may have the power to extend your orgasm, too. If analingus is on the menu, he recommends starting with some external licking before moving on to internal flicking. Ahead, three categories of sex toys that work well for prostate play. The stainless steel Pfun Plug ($99.99), Lori DiCarlo Tilt Warming Vibrating Plug($149.99), and We-Vibe Ditto ($139.99) are all good options. The Lelo Loki Wave ($149) provides both internal and external prostate stimulation by pleasuring the anus directly through the anus and indirectly through the perineum. The Fun Factory Duke ($99) is also curved perfectly for prostate stimulation. Plus, it vibrates! A third option that comes recommended by Stewart is the SVAKOM Vick Neo ($99). “It has a dual motor for internal and external stimulation; is waterproof, extremely quiet; and is app-enabled,” she says. Dildos can be used via hand during solo or partnered play. They can also be used in a harness to allow someone who doesn’t have a factory-installed penis to penetrate their partner, hands-free. Your size preferences should dictate the dildo you invest in. Top dildo manufacturers include Fun Factory, New York Sex Toy Collective, and Avant. As with any new type of sexual play, remember that pleasure is more important than orgasm. So, if it stops feeling good, stop. Or, pause and parse out with your partner what you need for it to feel better.
