In theory being an intuitive and empathetic listener sounds good, but sometimes it can be hard to understand what it looks like in practice. It means being present (not just waiting until it’s your turn to talk) and able to follow the rhythm of a good discussion and adapt with it. It also means picking up on details and remembering to bring them up later. If this sounds like work, it’s because it is: Being a thoughtful listener is a skill that must be practiced, honed, and worked on regularly. One of the best traits a man can develop in himself as he dates different women is variety. As long as you’re showing the woman you date that you care about her in different ways—verbally, physically, with favors, time, or gifts—you’ll cover your bases. And then as you grow closer with one partner, you’ll be able to parse out the nuances of your specific love languages. But having a strong, diverse foundation of showing affection is a good place to start. It’s also a great way to keep the relationship interesting long term. It’s important that you take responsibility for your own emotional needs and are able to deal with them inside and outside of the relationship. “When each person takes responsibility for their own feelings and needs, then no one fears getting blamed for the other person’s struggles,” relationship expert Margaret Paul, Ph.D., tells mbg. This emotional integrity is a vital way to end up crafting emotional intimacy with your partner in the long run. The problem arises when your defensiveness gets in the way of empathizing with your partner or admitting when you’ve done something wrong. (If you find yourself consistently stringing with being defensive, read more here.) The most direct way to get over defensive behavior is being self-aware, acknowledging when it happens, understanding where it’s coming from, and communicating your feelings with your partner.
