Here are some signs of a controlling parent, plus what to do if your parents’ controlling behavior is negatively affecting you as an adult. “They want to influence the child and be part of their every decision,” adds clinical psychologist Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D. RELATED: 13 Signs Of A Controlling Person + How To Deal Fundamentally, controlling parents “stunt your own ability to be an autonomous human being, who has a right to make their own mistakes in life,” Tsabary says. As Cullins adds, this behavior “prevents their children from developing the autonomy and independence needed to successfully launch into adulthood.” In addition to that, a parent who only offered conditional love and acceptance can “stunt their child’s emotional development and make it difficult to envision, develop, or sustain healthy romantic relationships,” Cullins notes. “Children of controlling parents are more likely to become approval-seeking and need external validation.” And that goes for romantic relationships but also in the workplace or with friends. Oppositely, she adds, these kids can also grow up to become fiercely independent as a defense mechanism and become averse to conformity in adulthood. Cullin says the first step in dealing with a controlling parent is developing awareness. “A child must be able to identify and distinguish between healthy parental expectations and controlling ones,” she says. “If the parent’s attitude, expectations, and behavior hinders the child’s ability to develop the skills needed to become a self-sufficient adult with self-esteem, it’s possible that there is a control issue.” “Choosing to respectfully make a different choice,” Cullins says, “decline a parent’s offer, or not interact if it creates an uncomfortable situation for the child is an acceptable way to develop autonomy while remaining civil.” If it’s a battle you can’t win on your own, family therapy may be something to consider. Ultimately, as an adult, it will be up to the child of the controlling parent to decide whether their parent’s controlling behavior can be improved, reconciled, or tolerated. If not, Cullins and Tsabary agree the relationship may need to be modified to have more space. RELATED: How To Let Go Of The Need For Control, From A Psychologist They’re your parent, and it’s OK to feel guilty about being angry with them—but it’s never OK to sacrifice your own autonomy. At the end of the day, you and your own self-assuredness will get you through the tensest moments with a controlling parent.
